2 for The Sunday Whirl

peace out

string me along for a song
I’m your twelve trick pony
whisper like a horse shines
and taste that smell like there’s no tomorrow
you know what I mean
and if you say you don’t you’re lying
so yeah
either way
shine on
or wish your paw
wasn’t some lame ass dog
digging holes to make points
it’s time to pack my bags
and shape something new

Brenda Warren 2012

***

dark red string

“paw’s up for whispering smells!”

every paw lifts, as weasels glance round the room
remembering that dark red string
that wound its way through last year’s rank and file
it emanated this smell
this smell that carried a peculiar taste
and whispered through packs of weasels
lined up with nose points almost touching
(shaping colons to punctuate connections)
weasels became that string winding through them
evoking wishes for flesh
warm and quivering
something they could hold down with their little weasel paws
while their sharp weasel teeth shredded flesh in a frenzied feast

they hunted later that night

tonight as every weasel paw rises
warnings of humans and reminders of last year’s weasels
culled for “pets”
leads to chitter among the ranks
until a dark red string whispers through,
quieting weasel stories

lined up and touching
weasel noses follow its progress
and the hunt begins

this year, sixteen weasels
are lost to the hunt

Brenda Warren 2012

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Process Notes for “peace out”:
I played with the words late Monday night after receiving them as a contribution from Richard Walker to The Sunday Whirl. This piece came quickly. I read it aloud and edited slightly. The meaning is unclear but each line seemed to feed the next line, and it feels like it means something. The title was initially the last line, but I moved it. The ending seems more optimistic to me the way it is now.

I wish I could read it aloud to you, to me the voice drives this piece. It’s fun to read aloud, and the meaning of paw changes. I like that about it.

dark red string” notes: The one wordle word I didn’t use in any form in the body of the poem, “trick,” could be a synonym for the dark red string.

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38 thoughts on “2 for The Sunday Whirl

  1. “Peace Out” is the second telling-someone-off poem I’ve seen from the wordle this time. I like both of them, but yours has a more mellow vibe to it. Sure, the narrator is dumping someone, but there’s more of a “whatever” feel to it.

    The weasel poem just disturbed me – there’s no other way to describe it. Of course, it didn’t help that I was half watching the opening scenes of “Grimm” while reading it…

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  2. I like both these wordle poems. The first really has that “peace out” feeling to me. I enjoyed the story of the weasels and got something new each time I read it. I like poems that can be read again and again as well as the mystery and fantasy of this one. I have been trying for brevity in my wordle poems but have gotten tired of my own style with that so am trying to spread them out a bit.

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    • Thank you, Peggy. I’m not sure why your comments needed approval, but they were both here. I appreciate your enjoyment of the weasel piece. I like it, too. I’m glad you’re writing at The Whirl. Your brief pieces, and those that go on a bit longer are appreciated. Your brevity often astounds me!

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  3. I think of the first poem as a child of the 1960’s a free Hippie just on the move… but the second – the weasels, I envision a room full of business folk – high end corporate always wanting the next best trick just for themselves… as for being lost in the hunt, sixteen business ventures that didn’t quite make it. But then if they were just trying to ‘weasel’ the public dollar for some product that wasn’t really worth it then the end was perhaps justified.

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  4. I’d love to hear you read the weasels piece, Brenda. I like your process notes..they help me to figure out how you approach the writing of it, and I’m often also led to the next line to the next line, and how you feel it as an aural poem. Sorry if I’m not making smart comments.

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    • Thank you Irene. Don’t worry about comments. I always appreciate them. We’ll be so busy writing, reading and commenting this month, it may all turn to mush. 🙂

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  5. Both share a thread of immediacy.
    In the first piece that was really highlighted in the last line,”it’s time to pack my bags and shape something new.”The second piece has intrigued, like I am missing just a bit of the puzzle, but the immediacy is there, a bit more sinister- “until a dark red string whispers through,
    quieting weasel stories…” Great job.

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  6. I see my comment didn’t go, so I will do it again. Congrats on almost 1 year of wordles. As far as reading this, there is another site where you can go to record. I have seen it on some poets’ sites, and then you place it right along with your poem…don’t have to go to Buddah’s site. Another thing you can do is record a small You-Tube video. I have seen poets do this as well. Then we could actually SEE you read!

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    • haha! Oh that I were brave enough to allow you to see me read. Thanks for your ideas. I’ll spend some time looking into it, as recording my voice (only) has been on my mind.

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      • You could definitely do that – record your voice reading the poems and release them as podcasts. That would be terrific – sometimes a poem only makes sense when the poet reads it.

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  7. Brenda, I loved the “voice” of the speaker in “peace out”. That’s totally how I read it; your line breaks make it work that way. I love what you did with “paw”.

    I love the story of “dark red string” – and how that string winds its way through the poem – dark and chilling.

    Richard

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  8. I like the lilt and tone of the first piece very much! What a nice balance to the darkness that the words brought out from me! And the second piece is a great write… full of pulling/ pawing imagery and suspense.

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  9. Brenda, you can read the poem aloud for us 🙂 Head over to Buddah Moskovitz’.

    While I enjoyed the short sharpness of the first poem, something about the weasels grabbed and held on. I forgot it was also a wordle poem.

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  10. Brenda, your two poems are extraordinary – not taken in at one reading by any means. I spy metaphor, and allegory, and clever construction – one advantage of setting the Wordle is the extra time this gives you for consideration and tinkering. Well worth the effort!

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    • Thank you VIv. When I opened the words, I knew I wanted to play right away. Yes it is an advantage. 🙂 I’m glad you like the pieces. I did tinker with the second piece quite a bit prior to posting. Your comments are kind.

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