my name falls broken from your lips
hidden beneath sheets of speech
decoding my existence

is it me you hate?
or is it the reflection of yourself
you sense in my life
like unwritten poems
vital but stripped bare
where gnats
swim circles in goblets
and red wine sighs its ripples
down your throat

turning away you mutter about
irony, signs, and metaphors
while I tread wine
with the gnats
in your glass

Brenda Warren 2014



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16 thoughts on “Raw

  1. Brenda, this is moving piece of writing. I love this part, because I understand it all too well:
    “is it me you hate?
    or is it the reflection of yourself
    you sense in my life”


  2. The hate is often of oneself for making the wrong choice and being embarrassed about it. The sad part is the bitter helplessness of the narrator. How well this poem can be visualized.


  3. You say this poem is two-sided. I have been on both sides…deriding and derided. This is a strong write, Brenda, incredibly emotive and revealing on many levels. Thank you for your tireless efforts in providing these words. The results are so often astounding. You have no idea how often you have saved my butt…



    • Thank you, Elizabeth. I agree about the depth of responses the words can evoke. This week’s writing is strong at The Whirl. Happy to have saved your butt. šŸ™‚ The words help me produce, when I do.


  4. Like stones in the gullet of a bird I can sense the frustration of feeling like a gnat in a swirling toilet bowl of wine. I’ve experienced and imagined the depth that some feelings come to the surface when covered with words that leave no imagined sense but one of utter annoyance. Excellent spinning of words!


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