As the day grows long,
We survey our landscape of silence,
Slipping into it whilst shadows slide across earth.
Dark sloping hills hold deep secrets
That litter valley floors with lilting white lies
Like so many kicked through scattered leaves.
Dust from crumbled pedestals settles behind us
Shrouding gray our glimmering newness
And settling our souls with its soft sighs.
Against the deep smell of fecund earth
We relinquish to gravity’s force
And grind holes deep within the mess of us.
Night tangles our limbs
Like a nest of earthworms writhing,
To investigate their space in forever.
Brenda Warren 2012
Visit dVerse Poets Pub for more Triversen poems.
undercaws 
Brenda, I like the “lilting white lies” – well, just the whole poem, how you blend internal, human traits with images from nature.
And thank you, for introducing me to this form.
Richard
LikeLike
Thank you, Richard. I’m glad you like the form. Head over to dVerse again this Thursday… It’s one of the prompts I’ll try to do with some regularity this summer, because I like to learn new forms. The Triversen works for me. I’m going to head to your blog now. 😉
LikeLike
didn’t you do well.
Such wonderful combinations.
LikeLike
Effective use of the form to covey a moment of stand and stare
LikeLike
This has a sense of both sorrow and loss as well as a strange sense of acceptance. Is this fate working its way into the narrator’s days, perhaps producing acquiescence or is there a sense of awareness that being grounded, so to speak, is what it means to be alive. Excellent crafting of the scene to the form.
LikeLike
I like the nature images in your posts specially the last stanza ~ Lovely share ~
http://a-sweetlust.blogspot.ca/2012/06/to-young-lady.html
LikeLike
Very strong imagery here..enjoyed what you did here immensely!
LikeLike
“We relinquish to gravity’s force”
I look forward to this everyday despite what I might find when I let go of control.
We are the earth under the ruins and the view. We are the worms.
LikeLike
interesting images in that stanza….well done.
LikeLike
Well done! I think (I’m surely no expert) you’ve nailed the form, and the poem is wonderful!
LikeLike
So vivid, peaceful. I especially like:
Dark sloping hills hold deep secrets
That litter valley floors with lilting white lies
Like so many kicked through scattered leaves.
LikeLike
Just wonderful. You use your metaphor consistantly and very powerfully. The rhythms work well too. k.
LikeLike
PS – I am someone who really stumbles over gaps in punctuation. I’mve very literal and plodding so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I would consider putting in a hyphen between the kicked and through , the kicked-through leaves. This was something I stumbled over. k.
LikeLike
gringing holes deep withint the mess of us…great line…and love the bit on the pedestals as well as it makes some very subtle allusions…this is a really tight write and it winds together so very well…nicely crafted…
LikeLike
Beautiful words strung together beautifully. You took me through several emotions and moods with the progress of the poem. The first two stanzas were, a magical summation of what I see when I look out of my living room windows each evening.
LikeLike
Fabulous alliteration – a masterful use of the form
LikeLike
Thank you. You also rose to the occasion!
LikeLike
Darn, Brenda–I wish I written this! The imagery would make Pound, Williams and Stevens and the rest of those folks tachycardic. Just wonderful.
LikeLike
Oh Victoria, that is such a great compliment. Thank you. I feel humbled and blessed by your good words.
LikeLike
love the amount of alliteration you’ve crammed into this relatively short poem brenda … and some of the turns of phrase are just inspired, “grind holes deep within the mess of us” sticks with me particularly …
http://leapinelephants.blogspot.ca/2012/06/we-are.html
LikeLike
Thank you, Sharon. I worked on this one. It’s summer, I have time–hallelujah!
LikeLike
I hesitate to call this “pretty”. It’s not thought a compliment in poetry – so I won’t; but I will say that the accumulated images throughout are pleasing in their shadowy and slightly ominous way. It is the spin of time, the honesty of age that you capture here with deft assurance and while I feel it everyday, more and more, this proclamation of life’s sure way brings me a soft peace.
The Triversen form works well as the words speak to one another: landscape/silence/slide against earth and fecund earth/gravity’s force/ deep within and in the last tercet limbs/worms writhing, investigate space – such subtle assimilation. I really love this. Very well written!
LikeLike
Coming from you these comments mean a lot, Gay. I was so taken by your prompt. I read it several times, then read and reread Stevens’ poem before starting my own. Thank you.
LikeLike