Starting with process notes today—
The first piece is dark. It came quickly. Wanting to do something lighter, I used the title of an Indigo Girls song “Keeper of my Heart” for the title of my second piece. As far as they go, neither is autobiographical…but you know a little piece of us tumbles into everything we write.
I used all of the wordle words from The Sunday Whirl in the second piece, and all but “crash” in the first piece.
defeated hope
crouching and bruised
she wishes she could glow
she wishes that every crumpled feeling
would chisel a tunnel of light
starting at her spirit’s center
eating through her flesh
piercing holes
holes that burst with the glow healing draws,
searing wounds’ edges
until all that’s left is a small
glowing ball that consumes everything beat out of her
and spits out light
most of all
she wishes she didn’t remember anything
Brenda Warren 2012
Keeper of my Heart
Love me.
Chisel softness into my rock hard heart.
Burst through its crumpled past.
Split its bleating edges into fluttery flesh.
Draw me a pierced valentine
to swaddle bruises beneath the stone,
then crouch in my heart’s darkness
and listen to its crashing stories
beat in waves against your glow.
Brenda Warren 2012
undercaws 
Indeed …
“she wishes that every crumpled feeling
would chisel a tunnel of light
starting at her spirit’s center”
Great ending …
“most of all
she wishes she didn’t remember anything”
Love this line …
“Split its bleating edges into fluttery flesh”
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I so enjoyed both of these – each rings a different bell, to be sure!
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Reading wordles takes quite awhile now. I am coming in on Monday night…. It really has all been said. I enjoy peoples comments as much as the poems. I like how for De it illuminated the two halves of her life.
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These are written so powerfully, Brenda! I love the contrast of the two of them.
This was my favorite portion:
“Burst through its crumpled past.
Split its bleating edges into fluttery flesh.”
Excellent!
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Everyone has said it all.
I like the lack of capitals and punctuation in the first one, paring it down to its truth.
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Thank you. I went back and forth on that one, and left it unpunctuated. I’m glad that I did, as I really like your thoughts about it. 🙂
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I tried before to post to these poems. I thought them fine, from soft to hard, both with hope. Love all you words that convert everything.
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Both of your poems are compassionate and vivid portrayals of bruised people from different places, very evocative, excellent. I love what you got out of the wordl.
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very strong first one, especially last lines. of course, also like the last lines of the second one…..I am a sucker for endings.
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I feel — deeply feel — the first one. Wow.
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Compare and contrast. I think the second poem is sweetly emotive, coming after the first. Love “Keeper of my heart”.
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I could identify with both poems in different ways, Brenda. Both pieces are powerful. I appreciate your giving us the second one so that we’re not left with the bleakness of the first one’s ending.
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I am with margo but it’s perhaps just the lazy in me – there’s so much to commend in both these poems; you write with such energy … and I find both of them just a bit sad but of course, there is more hope in the second and it seems proper that you’ve given over to the “Keeper of My Heart”
http://leapinelephants.blogspot.ca/2012/06/deep-tissue-bruising.html
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I do like “Keeper of My Heart,” especially this line:
Chisel softness into my rock hard heart.
I can’t even imagine how something like that would be done, but somewhere deep inside of me I know it must be possible.
This was/is a choice read!
Half a Whirl
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Okay, Brenda, I have come back here three times and read through each time. This might not be biographical for you, but it certainly rings true for some of us. And I mean both pieces because I believe they are very much connected. I would embrace the first woman, sing her a soft lullaby and remind her that the bruises will fade and the memories should never be allowed to. They must become the measure by which she steps from yesterday into tomorrow, because she must become the Keeper of Her Own Heart, turning those whispered wishes into reality until she finds the beautiful story she is seeking. What is often lost in the first incident is the trust of self necessary to bring about the second experience. Hard work but worth every bit of it.
And again, my hats off to you lady, your heart is certainly aglow and is piercing that darkness,
Elizabeth
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Brenda, these are both just beautiful.
Adore these lines:
“she wishes that every crumpled feeling
would chisel a tunnel of light”
from the first, and oh, my, THIS, from the second:
“Draw me a pierced valentine
to swaddle bruises beneath the stone”
I once made my hubbie a Father’s Day card that said “Father of My Children. Keeper of My Heart.” This poem is such a beautiful beckoning. I pray, like me, you have found someone kind who answers just as beautifully.
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Len and I have been together 8 years. He is my light. Thanks, De!
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🙂 14, in September. Ridiculously happily.
Brutally divorced at age 21. Honestly, very well described by your first piece.
These two poems read like my two cracked halves. So thankful for the second one.
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Two very contrasting pieces, Brenda. I love this part of the second poem:
“Draw me a pierced valentine
to swaddle bruises beneath the stone”. How beautiful!
Pamela
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I love the way you play with light in the first poem, from her wish that “she could glow” to the “glowing ball” that “spits out light”. And, of course, the glow of healing in the middle. Let’s hope the light heals her physically and mentally/emotionally.
I also love the taut imagery of the second poem. “Chisel softness” is brilliant – and I like “crashing stories” as well.
We all want to glow.
Richard
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It really is a problem coming in after about four comments! So, what they said and, I loved the “Oh!’ moment when I read the last stanza of the first poem. The first stanza leads from despair to hopeful possibilities and then the last stanza.
Love the second poem. It could be the story of so many of us. After all, who isn’t vulnerable in the face of love? ‘then crouch in my heart’s darkness’ How lovely.
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I know, right!? Sometimes, everything’s been said. Still appreciate your comments/thoughts. 🙂 Thanks for your support, Margo.
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I love it that (with your first poem) we did something similar with the progression of the words from despair toward light… and I really liked your ending — the idea of wishing to forget.
Your second poem is sweet and full of hope. I especially loved these lines:
Draw me a pierced valentine
to swaddle bruises beneath the stone
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Thanks Nan….I agree about the progression from despair toward light, and noticed that in a few other pieces this week, too.
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I think to varying degrees we each feel the defeat and hope of both of your verses. And hopefully that healing light can take up residence and illuminate us to safer places. As you say even when pieces are not autobiographical they still come from somewhere, some part of us. While dark there is hope with the healing light. And that is a very good thing.
My offering can be found in Mr. Linky or here:
http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/06/whirl-59-freed-spirit.html
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Jules.
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Oh my! How wonderful that the words inspired two poems, Brenda! In Defeated Hope, your last line says it all: “most of all she wishes she didn’t remember anything.” What a sad, hopeless place to be. Keeper of My Heart is chock full of gorgeous-ness! Every line is a stunner. And the message is so clear: We all need/want to be loved. Well done!!!
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Thank you, Marianne. I’m glad you like each line. I wrote some of them as individual line responses to the title, then filled in….it was a take on a strategy that Paula Wanken uses for wordles. She sometimes writes one line per word, then mixes them up.
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I enjoyed both of them, Brenda… the second is my favorite, though.
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Thank you Laurie.
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Both dark pieces Brenda. The second is a little more hopeful than the first. All any of us really needs is to be loved, isn’t it?
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Absolutely! Thanks for reading, Bren.
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Well wordled, Brenda. Both of your ‘characters’ ring true. Sad that the first one doesn’t want to remember anything, has been so crumpled by life. I can picture situations in which people might wish that. Sad. And the second one? Definitely speaks to the desire to be loved!
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Thank you, Mary. The first one leaves me feeling unsettled…..and the second helps to settle. LOL I can see in the second one, that it might be a plea of the “she” in the first piece to be loved.
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What a contrast! I love the second one, and find the first very moving.
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Thank you, Viv.
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